i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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