Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He did a backflip because drugs
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