I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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