If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
