I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
