i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
