he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
