Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
