I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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