i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize