So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
