i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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