My nipple is on Facebook.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
