no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
