you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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