We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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