Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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