I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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