WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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