Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
