Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
