How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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