the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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