would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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