She is in my trunk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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