You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
