I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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