420 ftw
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
