I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
