then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
