super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
