If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
