What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
