Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
