I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
