All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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