P.S. I can't hear my feet
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
