well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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