this beer tastes like vomit already
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
