do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
