are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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