Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
