did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize