I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
