The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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