I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
