Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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