I want to make a zoo with you.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize