Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
