Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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