I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
