Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
