My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
