I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
