you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
