Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
