Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
