Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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