I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
