i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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