i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
