literally had 100 drinks last night.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
