sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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