I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Welp...herpes.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
