U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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