he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
