your parents love me but you hate me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
