My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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