I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
