next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
